Dental Musings...

Today I went to the dentist. I had my cleaning (I put it off from last month because I had a tooth removed that day) and one filling.

Dr. B is the second dentist I've had in this area and the better one. I'm glad I found one (finally) that I like. Sometimes it's weird being an adult. I went to the same dentist from the age of...uh, before I can remember...up until I was about 26 or so. Dr. O was his name. He was very 'clinical' but (since I knew him a long time) he 'warmed up' eventually. Well, Dr. O retired and then I didn't know what to do.

In the intervening (10) years, I've been to 6 other dentists. All but one of them was younger than Dr. O. I've started to notice something. Is it just me or are ALL dentists extremely good looking? It's crazy. I mean...I expect them to have good teeth (it wouldn't be a very good 'advertisement' otherwise) but COME ON...I haven't been to a 'magazine cover UNworthy' dentist EVER. Dr. O was getting 'up there' (sort of) in years, but even he was pretty dang attractive. I'm speaking generally, here...so I can say that about an 'older' gentleman without it being weird. (right?) And, just in case you're wondering, I've picked *every one* of these dentists from 'the book'. Ya know, the book of dentists that I can see with whatever insurance I have at the time. Totally random...that's why I think they must ALL be that... uh... phenotypically blessed. KWIM?

The other thing is that they all have 'amusements' available now. Dr. O never had that. A lot of the ones in-between have had a TV in the ceiling and a list of movies to pick from. Some even have that AND a music device (used to be a 'Walkman', now it's from the computer, mp3, iPod...something) with a list of genres to choose from. It's weird. The Zombie and I have developed a sort of "kids today..." conspiracy. (Wow! That made us sound old.) One of the elements is that "kids today" can't stand to spend ONE MOMENT of time alone with their own thoughts. They don't seem to tolerate ANY TIME without an external engagement or entertainment of some kind. (Oooooh...I feel a "substitute rant" coming on) We've decided it's the government (tongue-in-cheek), we just don't know why.

Anyway, I actually appreciate a distraction when I'm in "the chair" as I don't mind the feeling (as there is none, usually) or the idea of the drill...but the *sound* gives me the creepin' willies! Anything to prevent (or mitigate) my hearing that is always a good thing.

Today I watched "The Bourne Ultimatum". Actually, I watched about 25 minutes of it, is all. I like that movie a lot. Good thing I've seen it before. :-)

I asked the hygienist if she'd even been bitten by a patient whose teeth she was cleaning. The *grimace* that came during the shudder that ran up her spine (and before she responded) told me the answer. Eeeeewwww! She went on to tell me that she had, indeed, been bitten by a child (a little boy) of about age 4. Her thumb was black-and-blue (when it happened...not today) in a perfect 'ring' and she narrowly escaped losing her thumbnail. I had tears running down into my ears because I was laughing so hard, trying not to bite her myself, and trying not to choke at the same time.

While I was getting the filling, I made a comment about my *secret* crush on Matt Damon and made the dental assistant laugh. I now have a nice, purple (albeit smallish) suction bruise on my tongue because she momentarily lost control of the suction thingie. I'm not sure what was in her other hand...but I'm glad whatever it was, was not in my mouth.

So...here's the lesson I learned today: It's dangerous to laugh...or to make the dental office employees laugh...when having work done in your mouth! If not dangerous (biting, choking, poking, stabbing, suction-ing, etc.), at least unconfortable (gurgling 'spittle' and tears in one's ears). Better to save the silly questions and comments until everyones' hands and mouths have gone to their respective corners! :-)

Have a good one!

Fourth Graders, Bunnies, Pancakes and Other Random Kidlings

So, as I mentioned yesterday, I substituted in a 4th grade class today. Man, nine-year-olds crack me up! I had a brand new experience today...never happened before...anywhere -- not just in a school. Ready? Brace yourself...today I heard a nine-year-old use the F word. Yes, THAT F word. I'm not trying to be cute here...it was the honest-to-pete, can't say it in a PG-rated movie, F word. It was so wrong. It was so inappropriate. It was So...Dang...Funny!

I had to muster every ounce of my "I'm the teacher and I canNOT, no matter how much I want to, laugh" bravado -- and borrow some more from the Universe -- just to hold it together.

Please understand, I do not condone the use of profanity at school. It was certainly the wrong choice. It was absolutely inappropriate...but dang...I mean, come on...

Ready for the kicker? No, you haven't read the kicker yet. It was a GIRL! *My eyes are welling up with laugh-tears, just remembering it.*

ANYway...I had a good time today. It was a really good class with 23 kids in it (although, from the looks of it -- empty desks -- I think there was supposed to be about 28 or so). There were only two not-so-sunny moments in the whole experience. First, I was late. I'm sure some of you will think that's "normal" for me, but in case you haven't seen me in a while...specifically, since I married the Zombie (who is really, really punctual)...it's not anymore. Especially when I'm going to a school to sub. I'm NEVER late to a sub job unless something really weird happens -- like today, for example. I went to the wrong school. D'oh! I checked my schedule and, in the process, looked ahead to the jobs I have lined up for next week. Big mistake! I went to one of THOSE schools. "No, I'm sorry we don't have a Mr. Wajadoobikowsky* here. And, we're not expecting any more subs today." Eh? For the briefest moment, I thought I had somehow driven through a wormhole into bizzare-o land. Then, it hit me.

The only other gray spot, in my otherwise sunny day, was when Cutsie Poo*, a tiny, blonde haired, frail-looking girl got sick after they went to P.E. She really was sick. How do I know? 1) It was AFTER P.E. -- most kids faking an illness will do so to get out of P.E. 2) Her cheeks were waaaaaay over-flushed, even for immediately after a vigorous game of dodge-ball. {I'm not making that up...they really did play dodge-ball today} and 3) the interesting, though not attractive, shade of green UNDER the flushed cheeks, and in the rest of her face.

When I first got there, I gave them their spelling test (since they were all sitting there, papers numbered, waiting for it). I did the "Hi, my name is..." fun stuff after that. While I was telling them a little about myself (Yes, I have subbed before. No, not here. Yes, I am married. Nope, no kids. I'm not going to tell you how old I am...you probably shouldn't ask a woman that.) and asking about them (How many of you have pets? Who has more than 3 pets at home? Who has gone to a different school besides this one? How many of you have lived somewhere else, besides [name of our state]?) one of the kids raised his hand and said something random -- I wish I could remember what it was. I said, "Wow, that was random." Instantly, 27 hands flew out and pointed in the exact same direction. I turned to look where they were pointing and here's what I saw:

Apparently, this teacher, we'll call him "Mr. W*" for short, has that on his wall and whenever someone says something utterly random...he points to it. I think I like Mr. W. I wish he'd been my 4th grade teacher. And, just for those of you who were paying attention...yes, it was 27 hands...4 of the kids pointed with BOTH hands. :-)

The only other interesting thing that happened at that school today was when I was leaving. Actually, in the car, backing out, leaving. There were four little kids waiting to cross the parking lot. The youngest was a super-duper-cutie-pie who could NOT have been over age 4 (Did I mention this school has a preschool in it?) and the other 3 were kindergarteners (or possibly, large-ish preschoolers). As I was backing out, I heard "sdcp" make a noise. That stopped me abruptly. She wasn't near my car or anything...but the workings of 4-year-old minds are a mystery. I watched as she darted out behind my car (perhaps concerned that I was "blocking" her route with my car?) and the 3 boys ran after her. Nothing bad happened...nothing bad was going to happen, as far as I'm concerned. What I want to know is this: Where in the HECK were the adults that were supposed to be watching/helping/escorting/picking up these kids? Seriously! Who lets a 4-year-old (or even FOUR 4-year-olds) walk home from school without supervision? Okay, I realize it might have been an older sibling/school kid who dropped the ball...but still...SHEESH! (/rant)

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

That was fun to write. Hope it was fun to read!

Toodles! :-)